Domestic Violence Article

I wanted to post part of a recent article written by Linda G. Mills, J.D., M.S.W., Ph.D. I think it is wonderful to see these kind of posts begin to appear in the popular culture publications. I also want to applaud her for stepping up and showing character by posting the article when it is bound to draw some heavy criticism of her. The article is titled:


Everything You Need to Know About Domestic Violence But Were Afraid to Ask

As feminists, we have been taught to defend women, regardless of what they do, to be understanding of the reasons they act the way they do, and to get women help when they need it. We are taught to judge the men who hurt them harshly. Indeed, to shun them. We are also quick to reject those who do not conform to a "feminist mindset." All of these impulses are laudable, and as a feminist, I often agree with them. Sisterhood teaches us that women (and the few good men who adhere to our beliefs) should stick together because in a world of male power, we will always get the short end of the stick.

The problem with this one - dimensional thinking is that gender dynamics are no longer so black and white. The large majority of women aren't housewives at men's beck and call and men are no longer the sole breadwinners. Much has changed since the 1960's and the birth of feminism.

Prepare yourself for these recent research findings:

• Given the chance to escape their abusers, many women - at least one study reports 50 percent - return to their abusers after a shelter stay
• Men and women abuse each other at similar rates, although men's injuries are often less serious and they are much more reticent to report them.
• Women frequently strike out at their partners, and not simply in self-defense; in 24% of violent American marriages, the woman is the only abuser.
• Studies of dating violence reveal a disturbing trend about girls' relationship violence: When only one partner is violent, it is more likely - some studies have shown twice as likely - to be the female partner.
• The popular conception of domestic violence in which the female victim lives in terror of her controlling abuser only represents a small fraction of American couples struggling with violence today.
• Violent partners often learn these patterns of relating in childhood from their mothers, fathers and siblings - in time, these experiences influence young people to become the next generation's victims and abusers.*

It is a good thing when we start looking at these kind of issues for what they really are. Human issues not gender based issues. She has a few more interesting points:

Many feminist scholars and policy makers have asserted that when approaching domestic violence, these now well-established research findings should be overlooked, repressed, or disbelieved. Perhaps even more disturbing is the public's ignorance of the changing and more nuanced reality of domestic violence.

The fact that she knows this and went ahead and posted her piece anyway speaks, to me anyway, volumes about her character. People should be concerned with the truth and only the truth even if that truth may not be pleasant or agree with ones beliefs.


After 20 years as a scholar and an advocate in the field, and having survived a violent relationship myself, my own observation is that as feminists we have been too slow to understand this problem fully and to address both partners in a humane and holistic way. We have missed an important opportunity to be helpful to women - and men - and it is time we correct this injustice. - Read the entire article here

Bravo Dr. Mills and thank you for writing that piece. Hopefully more and more people and professionals will come around.