What about when MOM is the abuser?

On Monday October 6, 1997 the BBC aired a show called The Sexual Abuse by Women of Children and Teenagers. I wanted to post complete transcripts of the show and this is part 4 of that. Be warned that some of the content can be disturbing and graphic.





Warning: This programme contains explicit descriptions of attacks and the emotional and physical damage they have caused, which some viewers may find distressing.



Lucy:

Narrator:
Lucy Jenner had a single mother. Lucy took the place of a husband in the bed she had to share every night.

Lucy:
She would lock the door and after a certain time she would snap on the lights. Sometimes I tried to pretend to be asleep and it wouldn't happen, but it didn't make any difference. My mother would be behind me and I would be facing the wall. My mother would be around me and she pulled up a chair and she would say that she loved me and various other things and she would penetrate me vaginally and rectally with whatever she had.

Narrator:
There was lasting damage, causing pain and bleeding even today a legacy of the abuse she'd endured.

Lucy:
I think mainly it was the abuse that affected my bowel. I have a rectal prolapse which was a direct result of being penetrated with objects whatever when I was a child and was sexually abused by my mother.

Disbelief the biggest trauma

Narrator:
The biggest trauma for some victims though is disbelief. A survey of 127 survivors by the children's charity Kidscape showed 86% were not believed at first when they named a woman as their abuser.

Jacqui Saradjiam:
The fact that we are not expecting women in our society to do this - not expecting that women our society do this actually has profound effects on the victims, often making the experience go on much longer than it would have done in other cases, but also making them feel more stigmatised, more different, more betrayed, more powerless.



Sandra & Lesley:

Narrator:
For 20 years no one saw what Sandra and Lesley Wilson endured. their mother started to abuse them aged 5 and six, and continued even after they were married. When they threatened to go to the police she threatened to abuse their children. Sandra and Lesley's mother was accompanied by their father in the abuse, but it was she who took the lead.

Sister:
Mother always used to come in the bedroom and drag us out of bed. She never had any clothes on. You knew what was going to happen. I was made to do things. I was frightened. I was crying. I was told to shut up and I just had to get used to it.

Sister:
You'd know when my mum was being really nice - you knew something was going to happen - you were going to get raped. It felt like it was every night - 2 or three times a week they both raped me.

Interviewer:
Who started these sessions? Who was the dominant partner?

Sister:
My mother. My mother always came to get me.

Sister:
My dad was at work. I was cleaning the bath out and everything. All of a sudden my mum come in the bathroom and she pushed me flying, she grabbed my hair and dragged me into the bedroom and she made me do things you know to her satisfaction.

Sister:
I couldn't understand how your own mother... You've got no one else to turn to. If it's your dad doing it at least you've got some chance - your mother to try and talk to if she's a good mum. But when you've got your mother doing it as well what chance have you got? No one's going to believe you. There was no escape.

Narrator:
Sandra and Lesley's father John Wildman was eventually sent to prison for 22 years. Maureen Wildman died shortly after being charged. It's her abuse the girls say hurt them most.

Michelle Elliott:
Those survivors who tell me they have been sexually abused by both a woman and a man always tell me that it was more traumatic to be sexually abused by a woman - they feel more betrayed, they feel very angry, they feel the woman should have cared for them, should have loved them instead of abusing them. For some reason they expected it almost of the man, but never of the woman.